Second Chances
by drizzletomyhurricane
Summary: Lola's mother left when she was eleven. Now, after Hope's birth, she's back and longing to reconnect with Lola. But is it possible to get another chance? She and Miles strike up an unlikely connection.


It was just past six p.m. when Mrs. Pacini heard Hope crying. She'd been meandering around the kitchen for the past half hour trying to decide what to cook for dinner, flip-flopping back and forth between Argentinian recipes. Something with fish? No, no, Lola hated seafood. Or wait... _did_ she still hate it? There were so many details about her daughter that she felt like she was still scrambling to learn, so many changes and memories and milestones she'd missed in her absence...

...the baby, of course, being the biggest change of all.

Hope was still crying. Mrs. Pacini sighed and tossed the cookbook aside, deciding to go check on her. Lola normally got the baby right away, so this was unusual. Mrs. Pacini usually tried not to interfere too much nowadays with Lola's parenting— she'd learned her lesson the hard way on that one —but she _was_ still a mother.

She walked into Lola's bedroom and sighed at what she saw: her and Miles sprawled across the bed, sound asleep. Lola had her head against his chest and he had his arm tightly wrapped around her back and was snoring a little. They were totally knocked out. As much as Mrs. Pacini didn't love seeing them share a bed, she had to admit they did look kind of adorable like this. It reminded her a little of her and Lola's dad in the old days.

She pulled Hope out of her crib and nestled her against her shoulder. "Shh, it's okay, Mija," she whispered to the crying baby. She glanced back at Lola, then closed the door behind her. "Let's let your mommy sleep for a bit, okay?"

She carried the baby into the living room and sank into the sofa with her. As she rocked Hope back and forth, she felt as though she was holding Lola as a baby in her arms all over again. She looked into Hope's little eyes and felt her mind wander back to those early days...

Mrs. Pacini still remembered how it had felt to be a scared 23-year-old sitting alone on the bathroom floor holding a positive pregnancy test. She'd tried to shake the test, tell herself it had to be faulty, that she couldn't be pregnant, not _now_. When she and Mr. Pacini had just moved to the country, when they had no money, when they'd barely been dating a year... they were just kids. She'd actually cried when she broke the news to Lola's father. He hadn't been upset, exactly. Shocked, sure. Scared, definitely. But he'd been exactly the kind of standup guy she needed: he held her and told her it was going to be okay, that they'd make it work somehow. A week later, he proposed. A month later, they were married.

She had to admit she was miserable during her pregnancy with Lola. She knew she was supposed to be happy, appreciate the miracle of life or something... but she found herself hating being pregnant most of the time. She hated the changes to her body, the way everyone suddenly treated her differently, the way she felt so unlike herself. Everyone had told her it would be worth it when the baby was born, that she would feel an instant bond the second she held it in her arms. She wasn't so sure. But she couldn't admit that out loud to anyone. It wasn't the type of thing you were supposed to talk about, or even feel.

She _did _love Lola the second she was born, but she couldn't say she felt that instant connection. If anything, she felt... disconnected. Like she was faking it as a mother, filling in some role that wasn't meant for her. She did love her daughter— she loved the way her little eyes lit up when she heard the sound of her voice, how her toes curled, the sound of her baby giggles, that cute little smile. But she still felt totally unqualified to be a parent. And that scared her to death.

She wondered now how Lola had felt when she held Hope in her arms for the first time. Had _she _felt an instant connection? How had she felt when she discovered she was pregnant? If Mrs. Pacini had thought 23 was too young to handle a baby, how on earth did Lola wrestle with that idea at just 16? She had honestly felt sick to her stomach when she found out that Lola had a baby in her absence— partly because her daughter was _so _young still and partly because she felt incredibly guilty for not being there for her. And, a part of Mrs. Pacini couldn't help but wonder if any of this would have happened at all if she hadn't left...

"_Wehh," _Hope whimpered softly. Mrs. Pacini rocked her back and forth some more, trying to calm her down. It had been so long since she had done this... was she even holding her correctly? Where did Lola keep the baby toys? Was Hope on formula now? Once again, she couldn't help but feel unqualified.

She tried to think back to what she did when Lola was this little, what tricks and remedies and lullabies calmed her down as a baby. Sometimes Disney movies would work. She wasn't sure why, but for some reason baby Lola just fell asleep instantly at the sound of _Bambi_. God, she realized— Lola and Hope's cries even sounded the same. After all these years, she could still remember newborn Lola so vividly. She was a colicky little thing. Adorable during the day, a total nightmare in the evenings. Those nights when her husband would be working late shifts and she would be at home with Lola, sitting in the rocking chair at 2 a.m. trying to quiet her down, sometimes even _begging _her to stop crying so she could get more than an hour of sleep. Then of course by the time Mr. Pacini got home, Lola would be all peaceful and quiet in her crib like an angel. And Mrs. Pacini would want to sob. How could it be possible to love something so much, yet want to get away from it at the same time?

Now, all these years later, all she wanted was for Lola to look at her the same way she used to when she was little. Back when Lola looked at her like she put the stars in the sky, back before her marriage broke down and _she_ broke down and left and messed everything up forever.

She remembered a lullaby she used to sing to get Lola to go to sleep. Maybe it would work on Hope now. Quietly, she began to sing,_ "Duérmete mi niña, duérmete mi amor, duérmete pedazo de-"_

"Uh, Mrs. Pacini? Do you want me to take Hope?"

Mrs. Pacini turned around and turned scarlet red at Miles standing there. She hadn't realized anyone was listening. And to make it worse, Hope was _still _crying. "I was just..." she started. She sighed, embarrassed. "I used to sing it to Lola when she was a baby. I thought maybe it would work on Hope, but..."

Miles took a seat next to them on the couch. "She's been really fussy this week..." He took Hope into his arms and rocked her back and forth, but she still cried. "I guess Lo was up with her for half the night yesterday. I came over this afternoon to help, but we both just knocked out after awhile..." He yawned, obviously exhausted himself. "It's not normally like this," he added.

Mrs. Pacini nodded. It felt kind of strange just sitting here next to Miles like this— the two of them didn't exactly have the smoothest history. Most of which she could admit was her fault. She didn't know much of anything about him still. She knew he was in school for writing, that his family was wealthy, that his dad was out of the picture, and that he seemed to own nothing but salmon pants and dress shirts. Once, he'd showed up in a hoodie in sweats and she'd hardly recognized him. Mr. Pacini seemed to like him okay. "He's a good kid," he'd shrugged. And Miles _did_ seem to make Lola happy. She and Hope both looked at him like he put the stars in the sky.

"I know," Mrs. Pacini said over Hope's crying. "She's a good baby."

"No, I mean... _I'm _not normally like this. Usually, I can handle her..." He looked down at Hope, looking almost defeated.

Mrs. Pacini studied him for a second and realized she recognized that look in his eyes: fear. Fear of failing, fear of not being good enough as a parent. A fear that was all too familiar to her.

She jumped up from the couch suddenly. "I have an idea," she told him. She opened the bottom drawer of the TV table and rummaged through a pile of old VHS tapes. They were probably the only family in Toronto who still owned a VHS. Mr. Pacini never threw any of the tapes out— he refused to get rid of anything from Lola's childhood, saving every baby blanket, toy, etc... they did come in handy for Hope now, at least. "Let's see..." _There it was!_ She popped it into the VHS player and sat back down on the couch.

Like magic, Hope stopped crying just as _Bambi _started playing. The baby cooed happily, "Bahhh!"

Miles glanced back and forth between her and Hope, dumbfounded. "How... what..."

"I used to play it for Lola when she was a baby," Mrs. Pacini explained. She smiled at the baby. "I guess Hope is just like her mom."

Miles slowly formed a smile back. "I guess so."

They sat there in silence for a second, _Bambi_ still playing in the background. Mrs. Pacini watched as Miles tickled Hope under her chin and made her giggle. It reminded her of Lola's dad a little, watching him like this. While this was far from an ideal situation, she was thankful that Lola had at least had the baby with a boy who clearly cared. "Miles..." she started.

Miles glanced up from playing with Hope. "Hmm?"

"I think I owe you an apology," Mrs. Pacini said. "I know when we first met, I was... _a little cold_ to you. I... I was just scared and angry. I felt like I'd lost my daughter. And I needed someone else to blame." She sighed. "But it was wrong. And I'm sorry."

Miles nodded and his expression softened a tiny bit. "Thank you," he said simply. "I appreciate it. Really."

"I've made a lot of mistakes," Mrs. Pacini continued. She didn't quite know why she was telling him all this, honestly. "But being here with Hope, it feels like a second chance in a way. A chance to try to do better, to—" She paused and took a deep breath, suddenly out of words. "I just... I'm _trying_."

Miles nodded again. "Well, I can't speak for Lo," he said, "but I do know what it feels like to get a second chance. To want to prove you can do better." He squeezed Hope's little fingers. "Lola and Hope were kind of that for me. A second chance."

"Is that why you named her Hope?"

Miles laughed under his breath. "I guess partly," he said. "But she was also named after the play. The one Lola and I did together when— well actually, maybe I should let Lola tell you the story..." He grinned and his cheeks turned a little red, like he was a little embarrassed, but in a cute, endearing sort of way. Hope reached for his nose and he smiled at her. "For what it's worth," he added, "trying as a parent is better than not trying at all. That's more than my dad ever did."

Mrs. Pacini opened her mouth to say something in response, but then Miles handed Hope back to her. For the first time, she appreciated just how tiny and fragile and precious the baby was. She wondered what it would have felt like to hold her the instant she was born, as she had with Lola. She wished more than anything that she had been there to do so. _Trying is better than not trying at all_, she thought to herself. Maybe eventually she'd believe it.

"Oh my gosh! Bambi!"

Mrs. Pacini turned around and saw Lola smiling giddily at the TV screen like a little kid. She almost looked like a little kid too— she was wearing pink panda pajamas and her hair up in pigtails. But she was also clearly exhausted from taking care of Hope, yawning and rubbing her eyes even as she smiled. "It sure is," Mrs. Pacini smiled.

"Come join us?" Miles added. All three of them kind of knew this was odd (maybe even Hope could pick up on it), but it was also the most peaceful it had ever been between them. Lola nodded _yes_ and came and squished in between her mom and Miles, pulling Hope into her lap.

"You know," Lola said thoughtfully. They were on the scene where Bambi and Thumper first met. "I was actually watching this movie the first time I felt Hope kick."

Miles raised an eyebrow. "Really? You never told me that."

Lola nodded. "Well, it was when I was still kind of seeing Saad. But I _did _call you first. Anyways, we were watching the movie and—"

Mrs. Pacini leaned back into the couch and just listened. For the first time, she just listened. And sitting on the couch next to Lola, Hope in between them like this... it felt like progress. It felt like trying. And maybe, it felt like there was hope.


End file.
